The Year of The Child – I Was a One Once, But Now I’m a We!

Today was one of those days when you realize that you have become a parent and your world is far more disgusting than it was 10 months ago. 

We are dealing with a major case of diaper rash. Both kids have had particularly active stomachs over the last few days and – though we are constantly changing them – they have sat in wet diapers for just long enough to develop pretty nasty rashes. It got to the point where they were screaming during each wiping because their skin was so raw.

We tried different creams and nothing seemed to work…. Diaper rash creams, medicated creams – no success.

Then today, a pediatrician gave me the strangest advice – take an egg, separate the egg white and the yolk, and pour the egg white on their little bums.

Apparently egg whites create a natural barrier between their bottoms and the diaper, helping to keep the skin dry even when the diaper is wet. Who knew!

After pouring egg onto my child’s bum, I was feeding the kids dinner. For this particular meal, I decided on yogurt, green beans and melon. Yummy!

My son was particularly hungry, devouring everything in sight. After finishing his food pretty quickly, I decided to top him up on the yogurt which he also devoured. After finishing feeding them, I got up and went to the sink to wash their dishes. When I went to take my son out of the high chair, I noticed that all of his pants and the entire seat of the high chair was covered in something that looked like vomit. Nothing seemed to be the matter. No tears. No nauseous look. No confusion. What the heck was it?

I still don’t know the answer. But when I went back to the fridge, I noticed that we have two yogurts. One that is good until the end of the month, and one that expired 10 days ago. While I am almost 100% sure that I served the kids yogurt from the ‘good’ container, I not sure which one I gave him his top-up from.

GROSS! Someone call children’s aid!

After smearing egg whites on a baby’s butt and cleaning what is probably vomit off of various surfaces after poising my child, I realized – I AM A PARENT! Nothing makes you feel more parental than doing things that previously would have made you gag. And, to top it all off, I’m now sharing the story with the world. Nothing says ‘I’m a parent’ like regaling all of your friends with stories of poop and vomit. What a special club to be a member of!

Posted in Falsettos, Local News, The Year of the Child